Issue 004:

you mad or nah!?

Have you ever been so pissed off (and so sure of it) about what someone you’re dating did or how they treated you, but all at the same time, questioned whether that anger, hurt, and/or disappointment was valid, real, or realistic to feel?  Especially in a relationship that’s not quite defined- you know- that unstable, but alluring shade of gray… 

I had a conflict with a person I dated, where he did something I didn’t like.  But, it wasn’t just that I didn’t like what he did, but more importantly, I didn’t like how it made me feel.  The unstable part of the gray area sometimes means, while your feelings are valid, the way you respond is sometimes not.  Why? Because there’s just enough uncertainty to make you question how, why, and if you should even feel what you feel.  

Naturally, you know how we do, I asked for opinions (lol, but forreal I did). Eventually, I began to realize that while I respected those opinions (even if some of which I took heed to), they really didn't matter, because the only one that mattered was mine!  This even goes for the person in question.  They don’t have to agree or understand why their actions made you upset or angry.  They just have to be willing to acknowledge how their actions made you feel– whether intended or unintended.  And if they give a shit about you, and your relationship (whatever it may be), will do their best to avoid those actions in the future.

My challenge always comes with gauging this when dating. Finding the balancing act of being realistic about my expectations, while also maintaining and communicating my boundaries.  But then I had to ask myself: Why should relationship status, title, or lack thereof, dictate how I expect or desire to be treated by someone I’m involved with?

I’ve since learned:If you have a problem with something- speak on it. If you need clarity- get it. Communicating wants/ needs, or likes/ dislikes will never go away, and will be an ever present part of any relationship you’re in- even friendships. Sometimes that means asking tough questions. Sometimes that means having tough conversations. Either way, while conflict is sure to arise if you are involved with someone long enough, teaching someone how to treat you when your boundaries have been crossed trumps concern over relationship status any day!