Issue 003:

Deal or No Deal? Dating Someone with… a Mini Plus One

Let’s read the room about dating in your 30’s. Whether it’s your personal preference or not, the reality is: Meeting someone who has at least one kid is extremely likely- for both men and women. So for those of us who aren’t opposed to dating someone with a mini plus one, this is where it gets interesting. Scheduling conflicts, last minute plan changes, a constant need for advanced planning- to name a few. It’s definitely a juggling act. I meaannn, I didn’t even get to a person’s relationship with the other parent. Wheww, chile. I’m not even allowed enough characters in this post to touch that! Clearly, I understand why someone chooses not to date a person with a kid(s). Because let’s be honest, it’s challenging enough to date the individual, but the individual plus one- well… it's not always easy!

OR, is it as easy as we want to make it?

The answer is Yes! Yes, I am one of those women who would date someone with a kid. Yes, I have dated men with a kid(s). And, yes, it’s as easy or difficult as you make it! As with most things in life, it’s all about mindset. What you choose to experience positively, will in fact, be positive. Now, are there plenty of examples to the contrary- of course. But the point is: Dating someone with a kid doesn’t have to be the difficult experience we sometimes think it might be.

But if we’re really talking about it: When you’ve decided you’re going to accept something about someone, aka the bags you met them at the bus stop with, then you have to be willing to do the work required to accommodate them (shame on you if you missed my Erykah Badu, “Bag Lady” reference). ICYMI: If you’ve decided to deal with someone’s baggage, then it’s only fair to be willing to do the work associated with dealing with said person and dem’ bags.

My experience dating men with kids has been fairly positive, mainly, because I went in knowing and accepting that I’d have to be willing to do and be OK with certain things. Think about some of the things I mentioned before. Any of those things is possible with someone who doesn’t have kids, so why shouldn’t we give some additional grace to someone who does. I knew that I’d have to be willing to be more flexible. I knew that I’d have to be willing to be more accommodating. I knew that I’d have to be willing to be more understanding. After all, it was my choice! All that to say, and this goes for any and all baggage we choose to deal with when dating someone: don’t complain about the alarm when you’re the one who chose to ring it.

So for those of you keeping the parents as dating options, and finding it difficult to navigate, don’t think of it as a chore, but merely doing your part to keep the house clean.