Issue 002:

Are you Living in the Now…or the What If!?

Ok, so remember when I said I was going to start looking at the dating glass half full?  You know… enjoying the journey or whatever.  Well, it got me thinking:  When we finally find a drink we like, are we truly enjoying it, or anticipating the end… or even the next round?  My favorite drink IRL is an Old-Fashioned, and like most things, considering the different versions I’ve tasted, there are no two exactly alike.  With so few ingredients,  it’s a classic cocktail meant to be savored by the sip.  Similarly, shouldn’t being involved with someone be an experience you savor? Taking note of all the different layers of flavor? So in tune that wondering what happens next is too soon? 

If you’re someone (me included) who’s dating for relationship, and ultimately marriage, it can be so easy to fixate on the what ifs and what could be’s.  Trust me, I’ve been there, and I partly blame that imaginary timeline we all have for ourselves (whether you want to admit it or not).  I also blame society’s idea of when and how women should live their lives; and their “value” as a result.  However, subconsciously, that clock still ticks.  Because of it, sometimes we still find ourselves in relationships that no longer suit us.  Because of it, sometimes we find ourselves ending relationships not meeting the “mark”.  And, also, because of it, sometimes we find ourselves not truly living in the moments- big and small- that make inviting a new person into your life a welcomed joyride.  Or, better yet, cherishing the beauty of all the new discoveries you make with an old one.    

After doing some reflecting on my last relationship, which ended after 5 years, I realized that maybe my focus on what I hoped would come, blurred my vision of what was there- right in front of me.  Of course I had hopes- dare I say expectations- of engagement and marriage.   Perhaps, depending on who you ask, rightfully so.  But, I had to be willing to ask myself:  What did I miss instead?  What did I lose sight of?  Was I as present (mentally and emotionally) as I could have been?  Was I living in the here and now, or the when and if?    

As I continue to strap in and ride the rollercoaster of dating, I remind myself to truly enjoy each loop, curve, rise and fall.  So what if I’m not sure if next week will turn into next month or next year with that new someone.  What I will be sure of, is that I’m enjoying every moment.  

So seriously, fuck that clock.  The only time that matters is now!